The year so far…

2016 is off to a pretty great start. While there are some things stressing me out I think it is because life can’t be completely perfect. The whole point of life is searching for happiness, right? Sure there are moments of happiness and levels of happiness. For instance, you’re happy when you find someone you love, you’re happy when you get a job you like, but then you’re even more happy, next level happy, when you have both.

I have a tendency of being more negative than positive so sometimes it is nice for me to write why I am happy and why I am excited for this year. Sometimes when you read everything — see it there in plain sight — you learn to appreciate it more. Now I know November is usually the month to be thankful for but I already am so so thankful for this year and I know it’s going to to be a great one. Here are some reasons why:

1. My health – I feel like I’m the most fit as I have ever been which is a bit unusual because I have been working out a little less than usual. I also think though my sort of “content-ness” with my body actually made me lose more weight. Sometimes focusing too much on working out and eating right stresses you out and you end up not losing weight but then when you kind of stop caring and just do what you like — it works out more for you.
2.  My job – I recently had a great nanny job. I’m not a big kid person, I even consider myself the opposite of that but these kids are great. Unfortunately it is only part time and I received the opportunity to start working at another job next week. It’s a work at home and full time job, so I feel I can get more work done and save on gas. I am pretty sad that I have to stop playing with these kids but you do have to grow up sometime, you know.
3. My relationships – As you know, December was a bit of a bumming month, I did some silly stuff and almost ruined something with a person I love. Fortunately, I’m a pretty lucky person and we’re back together, better than ever. Not only just him, my boyfriend, but I just have a great group of friends. I live with one of my favorite people, my roommate, and get to spend time with a bunch of other of my favorite people at open mics and shows. I never get sick of them. Sometimes I am weird though and get paranoid that I’m bugging them too much and apologize but they’re usually just like “what? no you’re not stop it.”

I think I just worry that something bad is going to happen all of the time. I’m not used to being this happy. I don’t remember if I have ever been this happy. So I’m just waiting for this bridge to collapse or something. When you aren’t used to all these good things you just expect the worst all of the time. I have to kind of stop myself from thinking negative and just enjoy it. Enjoy life and be happy because this year is going to be the best yet.

My head hurts.

I have a confession to make guys, I think I am going crazy. Recently I was laid off from my job and by recently I mean in April. I have been applying up the whazoo for jobs and who says “whazoo” anymore? CRAZY PEOPLE. And, well, I guess old people.

Don’t get me wrong unemployment is fun at first that is why they call it funemployment and by “they” I mean clearly people that haven’t been on unemployment too long/people that have unemployment and have no bills to pay/idiots. The idea of unemployment, getting paid to do nothing does sound super promising. Oh man I can write, I can travel, I can learn guitar, and then you realize oh wait unemployment pays shit. So you do nothing because you get paid next to nothing, and so it begins.

You have all the free time in the world and no money to do anything with that free time so you sit in your house and stare at electronic boxes like computers and televisions until you pass out. Also my subconscious has been fucking me lately in that it gives me the most bomb-ass balling dreams like I am flying or I own a pet baby alligator or I am at a 90’s party hosted by Hanson (but they refuse to play their own music, sounds like a bummer but I’m FRIENDS with them guys). All of these weird dreams happened in my brain and they all caused me to want to sleep my day away. I didn’t. I only slept half of it away then went to the gym then probably watched a television show, but still.

And your friends with jobs definitely start judging you especially after like 5 weeks and no job but you really want to punch them in the face or slap them and be like “IT’S NOT THAT EASY” because you are applying to at least ten jobs a day minimum but ISN’T EVERYONE ELSE? I’m SORRY I wasn’t as lucky as you to get a job with the mere telephone call or fucking spell you probably said because it is CLEARLY witchcraft attaining a real job nowadays. Unless you want to work at a mall selling a whole body vibration machine which I’ve done before and don’t plan on doing again.

While this is all happening you feel your brain turning to mush because there isn’t any work to procure or do except the repetitive apply > click > submit for jobs over and over again and the slowly catching up on Always Sunny reruns. So you try to read but you’d rather sleep or maybe have some alone time because masturbation does indeed relieve stress and makes you happier at least for those FEW MINUTES before you pass out and dream about running into James Franco at UCLA.

You tell people you’re bummed out/depressed/sad/going crazy and most of these people are the judgey assholes with jobs so they laugh about it and don’t take you seriously. This could partially be your fault too because you do stand up comedy and your defense mechanism is always humor. They think you’re being overly dramatic and not trying hard enough for jobs (reasons why they need to be karate chopped). So you’re stuck in this weird, sad middle and there’s nothing pushing you in any direction. It’s like you are stuck in wet cement because you literally cannot move anywhere, or maybe like a rubber band clearly stretched to the end and the only way out is back. But you can’t move home, you’re not a failure, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. Not yet. Better to burn out then fade away right? RIGHT? This isn’t a cry for help post this is more of a cry for send me a job or my sanity back please.

So yeah I’m going crazy. Someone send help, money, or a job.

BEDA: Getting back in the swing of things.

Hey everyone, even though it is April 3rd and I am three days late I am going to participate in Blog Everyday in April. It may be difficult especially because I’ll be camping 4 days in April (I’m volunteering at Coachella), but I’m going to try and do it!

It has been a busy week! I went home the 24th to the 28th then came back here with my dad and we moved me into a new lovely apartment. My room is a bit smaller than my old one but I have a huge closet and the location is better and the roommate seems cool too.

So that’s what I’ve been doing the past few days. Now my dad is gone and it’s back to real world stuff and blogging again. So let’s start it off with BEDA!

I need to start getting back in the swing of things and it not only means blogging but also eating healthy and going to the gym. My dad, the best father in the world he is, did treat me to breakfast and dinner nearly all week and while some were indeed salads mainly I had the three P’s pizza, pancakes, and postre (dessert, I cheated a little by going spanglish). It also didn’t help that today was Ben and Jerry’s free cone day, which I did have, three times.

Thus tomorrow will be a reboot of sorts. I will wake up go to work, run some errands, then hit the gym. I may be going over to my old roommates’ new house but I will be having salmon so that is healthy and good. But I always fall and start up again so instead I’m going to create some goals for April and they are:

1. Drink 8 glasses of water a day.
2. Chocolate twice a week.
3. Work out 5 days a week.
4. Go back to 130 lbs again.

There are more goals I should set like eat less cheese and have at least 3 servings of fruit and veggies, but let’s not push it okay. But summer will be here before I know it and I have to really kick it in gear. How about you guys? Any goals for you?