How to move on.

Still trying to figure that out for sure, it is very difficult to move on when you were happy even if the person who decided to end the relationship stops caring and possibly went about ending it in a very hurtful way. You still think about the memories and the good times. I’ve realized what kind of person I am for sure after this, I always thought I was negative and angry, but with the consistent thoughts of good times and experiences shared, I have realized I am actually an optimistic person. Good to know for later, I suppose. Either way, it is hard to move on, I’ve read articles many say it can take half the time you were in the relationship so that’s funnn, but here are some steps to actively avoid sadness and find ways to forget him and move on.

1. Reconnect with old friends and all of your friends – Sometimes when you re in a relationship you prefer to spend lots of alone time with the one you love. Makes sense. But you can fall out of touch with friends, decide to stay in instead of going to parties. Fortunately, when that person breaks your heart and you’re back to the drawing board it gives you a chance to party again. It may be weird at first, you may be scared and think maybe your friends don’t need you anymore but don’t think that, they’re going to be happy to have you back. They’re your friends for a reason and you are there friends for a reason too, if the tables were turned you would be there for them no doubt and here they are for you. Call some old friends, do some silly stuff, it may turn out you’re not the only one feeling alone and fun activities may actually help both of you.
2. Be Active – Go outside, go to the gym, just dive into fitness again. Sometimes when you become a couple you do cute shit like hikes but tend to become lazy, decide to go out to eat a lot, skip work outs, well now that you’re single again there is no excuse. Exercising releases endorphins, boosts your mood, and you look great after. Sure you may still be sad on the inside, but look like you’re winning this breakup by getting fit while he just probably drinks beer and hangs with his pals, it’ll show people you’re better off without him and eventually you’ll realize the same.
3. Force yourself to Date – You may not want to, it may be too soon, but sometimes tinder oddly does help. Even if you think they may not work and even if they don’t, it’s still nice to go out and meet a guy who may be interested in you just to make you remember hey there’s other guys out there that can care, there’s other guys out there that may be better and are interested in you. Just because this ended does not mean you will have to be alone and even if it takes a few months or more to find someone else at least you’re trying, at least you’re meeting people. Doesn’t hurt to try and who knows maybe they’re in the same boat as you.
4. Focus Your Thoughts Elsewhere – It can be hard at the end of the night right before you go to bed to not think about those memories, but you need to force yourself. You need to realize you were alone before and you can do it again, you survived, it’s not the end of the world, people have dealt with much, much worse. So whenever you think about those memories or thoughts just push them out, focus your thoughts elsewhere. Reading a book before bedtime can help and work wonders, disappear in that world instead of disappearing into the past. Watch television, color in a coloring book, draw, knit, or even write — do NOT write about him or the past, that is wasting your time and energy, write about your day, keep a journal, or a funny story. Who knows you may find new talents because of this ending.
5. Stay Positive – Sure this was a bad thing that happened but look at what you have, focus on the good. Do you have a job? Friends? A home? Yes! Some people don’t have any of that. Be grateful for what you have, be grateful for that ending it could have gotten worse. You could argue that he loved you and cared but if he did he wouldn’t have done that, right? Fate is a funny thing. It takes you on different roads as a test sometimes even if it’s not the right one. You experienced that, great, but hey he wasn’t right for you, if he was he would have acted differently. You have other people that care, you are still standing, you are better off. Be positive, be strong, be busy, and a better person will turn up eventually.

 

On Endings.

Sometimes life doesn’t go your way, it’s all about finding that balance of searching for happiness and being content but also being productive and working towards your goals.

Right now let’s just say I am not the happiest. A lot of moments in life leave you feeling kind of alone and “What’s the point?” but you have to find that point you have to find that reason why you’re doing what you’re doing. You have to realize that there’s still time left.

I am a very stubborn person that, even though I don’t like to admit it, is very much lead with my emotions and even when I’m told to do something like move on and stuff I won’t because it feels better to do the other thing even though it’s wrong and even though it might make me feel worse after. I also lack patience and when people say “it’ll take time” I just don’t want to wait. I want to fix something that others will argue is unfixable or broken. Maybe because me being stubborn but also maybe because I hate quitting. I am not a quitter.

Sometimes you have to realize though quitting something isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes you just have to let go of things you love to make them better. There’s a reason you can’t do everything. To be super hippy dippy, there’s a reason flowers grow and are pretty and it has nothing to do with you, you know? Things exist and can be great without you. The problem is when you find that something and you think it’s great and it ends. Maybe you did not want it to end but sometimes you don’t have a choice.

Ultimately, with life sometimes you are not in control of making decisions and sometimes things end or things change even though you don’t want them to. The only thing you can do is focus on yourself and what you can control and the decisions you can make to make your life better. You can argue your life is not as good now because someone made a decision that you didn’t want, guess what? There’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t go back in time, you can’t fix something if someone else doesn’t want to. The hardest thing is knowing what you know and how it will not help anything. No matter how hard you try no matter what you can do if something or someone doesn’t want what you want anymore you can’t push it. Magic isn’t real. You can’t wave a wand over problems and make them okay.

What can you do? Plan for the future. Plan on getting happy again or make decisions that you know will make you happy or at least busy enough where you’re not focused on being sad. Focus on the good, because I know it can be hard to find sometimes but good is out there. You might be feeling dark and not needed but believe me you are wanted and people like being around you, just be around again. Keep yourself busy, focus on work and accomplishing goals. When you focus on other things your brain becomes too busy for sad.

Life is tricky and whenever you think it’s going well it throws a wrench in your plans and you have to start from square one again. You can learn from those wrenches and get better or you can waste your time and cry about it. It might be a while for things to change and go back to you being content and happy but that doesn’t mean you won’t get there again. Time is the worst and the best because whenever you’re having fun you zoom through it but when you’re miserable it’s like walking through mud — takes forever, but it’s always there and in an odd way it will always help.

Also remember that the time wasn’t wasted. You may feel like it was now but eventually you’ll look back, appreciate the memories and events, and see that you’ve grown from it. Once again, it’s just that time thing that might take forever, but it’ll be okay.